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Having accepted his ticket and waiting not with despair but with a desire to make some last final changes that might bring happiness to those around him, he still managed to smile and laugh. This above all else will for me be the over riding memory of him and it is also the measure of this remarkable man.
Interestingly, Reg never spoke about his achievements unless they had a positive impact on others around him. It is always refreshing to find someone who gets more joy in others than themselves. What made a difference to Reg during the last few months was the amount of good will he received from those he loved and those that loved him in return.
His interview was interesting in many respects, but the main point was that it is the present that is important, not the past. The past is something that has happened and is part of what makes you who you are, not who you will be.
Reg led a colourful life, one he admits to thoroughly enjoying and regretting even less. In some ways his final weeks gave hope to those that face a similar fate. It is not the amount of time we all have left but the manner in which we use it that is important. Coming to terms with your mortality is key; but living a full and rewarding life is far more important. As I talked to him I got the impression that he had resolved most issues, and instead wanted to live what time he had left with those he loved. When the time was right he handed over the keys and moved on, even though he suffered severe pain, he faced the end with dignity and honesty.
I have to hand it to him, even though he freely admitted to being scared stiff of the outcome, I could imagine him taking those final steps with a smile. Under the calm façade I got the distinct impression that he felt like a child, who was going to school on his own for the first time. He showed apprehension and uncertainty, but mixed in with this was a childlike wonder at what was coming. However, I also felt that he was looking forward to this journey, knowing that everyone he cared for would be looked after as he moved on to the next level.
Now some might say this was selfish, using the old adage that it is those that are left, the ones that have to pick up the pieces when the dust has settled that will be affected most. Yes this is correct and it would be disingenuous to ignore it, but in his last weeks it was more about how he faced death than life. The difference here is that those around him were prepared more than most and believed that his journey was just part of the cycle of life. Additionally, he was the only one who could take that journey, to be miserable or resentful would merely add to the burden of his final days. All those around him would still agree that it is a measure of this man that he preferred to leave us laughing rather than crying.
During our lives we have to deal with lots of different aspects of life and death. Some people are more familiar with death than others, but on the whole all of us will have to deal with it in one form or another. It’s often not an issue of if but when that is at the heart of the matter, a fact that most of us do not want to think about. It seems the closer we get to being a little bit older, the more likely we are to take it seriously.
It’s interesting for me that all through the time I knew Reg he was very rarely unhappy, whatever he felt during his final weeks never impinged on the fact that he was always there for us as a guide. Now that he has moved on, a gap has been left, one where his gentle ways are sadly missed by all those he touched over the years, from all walks of life, cultures, countries and religions. Now that I have closed this chapter of my life I reflect on the remarkable person he was and the effect he had on me. In some way it is a new chapter for me as I take the fond memories of Reg with me on the journey through life.
As the years role by for all of us that knew and loved him, I can wish for just one thing, that we all lead lives as rich in friends and memories. In some ways he was the epitome of the English eccentric, that gentle spirit that had a charm all its own. In the end one thing remains constant, It’s as important how we deal with the dead as we deal with the living.
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