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SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, Wonderful SPAM wonderful SPAM...
Ahhh, there goes January just as I was beginning to get used to it, but that's time for you. The inevitable march forward, the seconds ticking past the numbers on a watch face, much like the SPAM that keeps filling up my inbox. Or rather it would do if I had not installed a fantastic piece of software on my machine to filter and caress my messages in an attempt to differentiate the real from the rubbish.
SPAM should be reclassified a virus, only then would we truly understand how it works, how even though the brains behind such drivel sleep, it is tasked with being allowed onto the INTAWEB and into the millions of email inboxes around the globe.
Ah, there goes the noise on my computer telling me that another message from my many fans is in, but alas it is a guarantee that should I take their offer I can look forward to an extra 3 inches on my...hmm. It would not be too bad if they actually made sense but most of the crap that gets into the mail box is just that, CRAP.
Ah there is goes again, I wonder what it is this time, oh goody I can have a real faux Rolex at a fraction of the cost of other Rolex watches which are cheap imitations of their brand. These are in fact the same watches that some mug on the 'Costa Del Rip-Off' will try and sell you at the airport. That is to say the watch will somehow know that you have crossed the border of their country and suddenly start telling the time in Moscow; or better still it starts winding backwards at random intervals. Then when you enter customs you get landed with a very large bill for import duty, or for handling fake goods.
The internet is a great tool, but as with mobile phones it is sometimes at a loss as to what it should do next. As a medium of communication it is sometimes good and sometimes dire, but always it is there, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year never sleeping and never stopping. If for some unknown reason the internet did suddenly stop it would have many effects, not least of which would be an empty inbox for lots of us.
Oh there goes my machine again, it is telling me I have mail, but this time I have 3 SPAM messages. The first seems to imply I have won the national lottery in Kurdistan, I didn't know they had a national lottery there and if they did I think I would need to be there to have participated in it. The second SPAM seems to think I would do well to invest in some breast enlargements, although with a strangely increasing girth, that is only a matter of time before I won’t have to worry about that anyway. One of the favourite medical SPAM's patrolling the borders of the internet looking for an inbox to fertilise is the one to do with Viagra, I wouldn't mind these so much but then you receive others SPAM that wants you to buy some valium. Make you mind up either you want it up or you want it down but you can't have both.
Finally, and of course not to be forgotten, my Manhattan Chase bank account has been suspected of suspicious activity, they are perfectly sure I have one otherwise why would I be sent a message. In the email they are telling me that I will need to furnish them with various pieces of private information that only I and they know, such as Pin numbers, etc...
There's just one slight problem, the bank has yet to send them to me. Could it be perhaps that "I DON'T HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT WITH THEM YOU USELESS ASS-HOLES." I don't want to sound as though I am preaching to the converted, but enough people must fall for this crap to make it worth their while. Within 24 hours of them setting up the false re-director it will be closed down, but in the meantime many people will fall victim to what is becoming the new scourge of the SPAMMERS and SCAMMERS.
Not that I can't spot them, some of them I actually find hilariously funny, but in all this hilarity some poor soul has had their lives turned upside down. SPAM, Online Scammers and other internet based crime is not taken seriously due to the hard nature of tracking and prosecuting. The internet grew up far to fast for most of us and provided an opportunity for the tech-savvy criminals to find new avenues of revenue. Country borders aside, this is more about humans trying to work as fast as machines when they track it, which is not going to happen any time soon.
If we take the problems with tracking the crimes over the internet it starts to take on a whole life of its own. First there is the problem of making sure you can find out where the crime took place, then when you have done that you must engage local law enforcement. Lets not be naive here, that is assuming they have both the will and the manpower to deal with it. Due to the speed with which a crime can happen on the internet it's likely that by the time the law enforcement has woken up to the problem, the criminals have long since packed up their laptops and phones and moved on.
Even before you get to this hurdle you have to get people to admit that they were had. The likes of the large corporations and companies are far less likely to admit that they had a problem as it will most likely lead to a loss of confidence with their customers. So most of us put it down to learning experience and hope we never get taken in again.
My absolute favourite scammers though, have to be our friends in Nigeria. They craft very long emails, send them out by the million using some poor mugs identity, hoping that the fishing scam will net some cash.
The scam usually involves an initial letter claiming to be from some toppled Dictator, Company Director, Bank Employee, Oil Business man who died recently leaving an impoverished widow etc... and that if you provide the bank account they will send the funds through, deducting the required money as their fee. All this seems kosher until the reply comes back asking for a banking fee to release the funds, of course you will never get your money but they got theirs. One of the best sites that deals with this is 419eater.com and without a doubt they provide some of the best examples of an anonymous organisation hitting back. Some of the posts reduced me to tears, not of sadness mind you, but complete and utter hilarity for the mindless knob who fell for the 419 eater's scam, as their saying goes - scam the scammers.
Bing, another load of crap is now in my inbox again. This time I have some new ones, oh look, I can get cheap meds or some woman wants to meet me as she thought I was fantastic last night. The list goes on and on and will never stop, never ever ever ever ever never ever ever ever ....... NEVER
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