We often look at the world around us and think that everything is just running fine. Our life has become more and more pedestrian and safer by the minute. We go looking for the safe dangers, which by their very nature are a complete contradiction in terms. I wonder what people would think if they had to constantly take risks with their life for real not in this staid and artificial environment.
I take the example of the plane trip I made today. I had this great feeling of dread that was creeping over me like a mist on a cold spring morning. As the journey progressed the anxiety eased, and after a while the sedate feelings of safety returned. I can not place into words the things that went through my mind during the trip to the airport.
Would I see my Son again, why did I feel so alone, what was the cause that made me feel so small and inadequate. I thought during the flight to Mexico that maybe I had had a major shift in my priorities in life and other things that in the past had not been important were suddenly thrust into contrast.
I currently sit at the front of a Boeing 747 jet writing this piece of history of my life and where I believe it changed the values I hold dear. The sun is shinning through the window to the port side of the plane as we cross the Atlantic in an almost photographic quality only ever seen on the adds for scotch whiskey. Even water takes on a golden glow only usually associated with an expensive malt.
I become transfixed in the colour and find solace in the sunlight. It makes me feel calm again, but I wonder for how long. I currently feel very strongly for these and other feelings that are coursing through me at this time.
The seat I am in is only 3 from the nose cone and so is usually associated with First class travel. I sit in a seat that has more space than my car seat and realise why people become addicted to this kind of treatment. It has a quality to it that allows you to slow down, think of the world, and more importantly take stock of what you are and where you are going, but more in the philosophical sense of the meaning.
When this is all over this will probably languish in the hard drive somewhere until I look back on it and have another chance to reflect on this very special moment. I have thoughts that can only really be discussed in moments of silence and clarity that only happen a few times in your life. I wonder if the clarity of the air up here at 35,000 feet helps you see forever. It makes you relax and enjoy the surroundings, a brief moment of peace in an otherwise turbulent world.
I listen to the music, playing through the head phones and day dream of far off places before grounding myself in my most prized memories, those of my Son and Wife, who will always be there for me. Strange that at this time I have tears filling my eyes and with the sunlight streaming in it is hard to see the keyboard for typing. I finally have a moment that is very special.
In every one’s life we have many opportunities to rise above all the pain and drudgery that haunts us and look around at the world. Our only problem is that we are invariably too close to the woods to see the trees. You need something that makes you feel alive again, as when you first saw the magic that makes the world a very special place.
At that moment in time I think, here is a strange thing. I am thinking of these emotions and peaceful reconciliations with my inner self when the duty free trolley is being wheeled past trying to sell us something, this seems a direct contrast to the moments and feelings that are coursing through me in a moment of unadulterated purity, where nothing has a meaning but everything has a value. It is then that I think we need to all experience these values and meanings from within our own little world.
I close this path or door and have a lasting memory of what life should really point to, as has been said so much in the past, ‘it is the simple things in life that you treasure the most.’ Never was a truer sentence uttered, but very rarely quoted. We all look at the world through our own viewers and wish that everyone was like us. Where we stumble is invariably trying to make the dream a reality, then we lose sight of the real reason we do the things we do, caught up in our everyday life.
This moment has been the closest I have had to the dream I have of one day travelling and writing what you feel, then with images being able to tell the story of your inner self and emotions through words and stories.
The plane has changed direction and the sun has moved down towards the horizon, the lights are being put out in the cabin, and only the slowly fading glow is evident in the cabin. It still feels ethereal, but as the light fades and the moment passes on it will never quite be the same again. Somewhere in there I could see the future of the human race, what we are capable of if only we stopped being dictatorial or beating ourselves up with self pity and guilt. In some strange way it is often the case that like the clouds, we only get to see a small glimpse of what could be, before they move on. I looked at the people around me and they were all slowly shutting down for the night. I quietly typed this insight into a small moment of my travel. The writing has helped me understand the fears I had faced, and with that I am able to confront them and see them for what they are.
I look back on what I have written and wonder what I will think of it in the years to come, after all reflection should not just happen once, but should be the evolvement of a feeling to help you understand your self in the future.
Dee Roberts – 2005